What to Do When Your Partner Won’t Do the Relationship Work

What do you do when you’re learning relationship tools—but your partner won’t actually use them? Dr. Julie Gottman explains how to talk to a partner who isn’t practicing the relationship skills you’re trying to build together—without falling into criticism, blame, or defensiveness. Instead of saying, “You’re not doing the work,” Julie demonstrates how to express what you’re experiencing, ask for what you need, and start with one small, positive behavior that can help create more appreciation, warmth, and connection. She also explores an important question: What might be getting in the way? Stress, fear of failure, past experiences, low energy, or something else entirely may be making it harder for your partner to engage. The goal isn’t to make your partner the problem. It’s to understand the obstacle you’re facing together. Subscribe to The Gottman Institute for research-based relationship advice from Drs. John and Julie Gottman. #GottmanInstitute #JulieGottman #Relationships #RelationshipAdvice #Couples #MarriageAdvice #Communication #HealthyRelationships **Disclaimer:** The content on this channel is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. Watching these videos does not establish a therapist-client relationship. If you're in crisis, seek help from a licensed professional or emergency services.